Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hot Mess

I stood in the bathroom this morning, kinda freaking out a little.

There may or may not have been tears....but I'll never tell. :-)

I think the cold, and the dark, and the gloomy winter has finally completely taken control over my body. I normally LOVE the winter. The cold, the snow, the crisp air....but this year I just want it to gone.

In the 30 some years of my life, that's the first time I've ever said those words.

I'm sick of wearing 17 layers just to run 3 miles. By the time I gear up, I feel like I should be going into battle, not just for a leisurely run.

I miss starting off in the dark, and being able to watch the sun rise as I finish my run. I miss being able to drink from my water bottle without it being slushy and nearly frozen. Frozen eyelashes were fun and a novelty the first dozen times....but now the cold water dripping in my eyes as they melt is getting old.

A year ago, I was still only able to run on the dreadmill. ANY distance running outside was horribly painful. In May, my docs and therapists finally fixed me up.

So, when I had to cut my run short last night at only 1.5 miles....I had a flashback.

Same pain in my legs....same frustration.....same urge to go home, curl up in bed and hide.

I went home defeated. I did a little deep tissue massage on my legs....but I'm not a masochist, so it probably didn't do much good. I iced them dutifully.

I had trouble walking down the stairs it didn't do much good.

I have a half marathon in 8 weeks....and I can't run a mile. According to my math, I'm about 12.1 short.

I got online the minute I arrived at work, and searched for sports massage therapists in the area. I'm anxiously awaiting their reply. Those massage sessions hurt like nothing in the world...but it's time to bite the bullet and get it done. And if I like them, I'm going to set up a standing appointment.

So, anyway, there I was standing in the bathroom this morning....kinda mentally freaking out a little.

Normally, on a bad day I'll go for a run to get some of the stress out. What do I do when I'm stressed about not being able to run?

Contract killing could be fun. (giggle)

45 min weight in the am
1.5 mile run in the pm (10:56 overall average pace)


C2Iowa said...

I hear ya. This may sound odd, but it works. Have you tried full spectrum lighting? Here is a link:

"Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think." - Dale Carnegie

Hope that your day turns around for the better

ccur60 said...

That was me about 3 weeks ago. I was depressed - I didn't want to run, I didn't want to go outside, I didn't want to be cold, I didn't want to leave the house. I was scared, but my husband said that I get like this at the end of every winter...I do? How have I managed it in the past, I couldn't remember. What worked for me this year was finding something new to do. For me it was skiing. I love to ski, have been skiing since I was 5 yrs old, but skiing in St Louis is...well, pathetic. But someone I met in the park taught me to approach it from a different angle. I became a ski instructor. All of a sudden I didn't want winter to end! I met new people, taught people how to do something that I enjoy and I was re-energized! Not only did I rekindle my passion for skiing, but I got out of funk. Do you like to swim? How about a spin class? Do you ski? Hang in there, the groundhog said we don't have to wait much longer.

Erika said...

Ack, I posted on my husband's account. This is Erika, friend of Linda's.

Heidi said...

Awww, I totally understand how you feel with the frustration. It can be maddening. Glad to hear you are seeking help with the massage therapy. It does hurt, but it usually helps. It's the best shot you've got right now.

I'm so done with winter and the wet & cold. Hate this time of year. Bring on spring!!!!

Nej said...

@ C2 - I have a full spectrum lamp at home....for some "craft" projects I once did. Thinking maybe I'll just turn it on, lay down on the floor under the light. For...hmmmmmm, say about 7 years. That should be enough I think. :-)

Nej said...

@ Erika - I know that by the end of February I'm in desperate need of a day off of work. A non weekend day. A full sun blue sky day. I've taken next Friday off to drive down to St. Louis. I hope it's a sunny drive!!! :-)

I'm not a swimmer...but taking a stab at it has crossed my mind recently.

Would also LOVE to try my hand at snowboarding. (I've never skied.)

Nej said...

@ Heidi - Maddening is right. I haven't heard back from them about an appt yet. I'm, for sure, going to hold off on running until this weekend sometime. Give it some rest, keep massaging and icing it myself at night...and get back on the road as soon as possible! :-) :-)


Anonymous said...

I love watching the sun rise during a morning run. Nothing better! I hope your leg gets better soon.

Nej said...

@ Mike - right now I'm excited when I leave the gym and it's starting to rise. I can't wait for it to start happening on my runs again. Great way to start the day!!! :-)

Fran said...

I totally understand you Nej. I'm having post Winter blues too at the moment. I can't wait till it's light again in the mornings during my runs because I'm sick of running in my village. I bought a headlamp today online because I don't want to wait any longer and want to run outside my village again.

I hope your pain goes away and you will be able to run this weekend.

Anna P said...

I SO understand!!! I am SUCH a late spring/summer/early fall gal, the winter for me is usually just a season to 'get thru' with a few highlights thrown in (a few holidays and birthday)... I hope you can find someone to massage the crap outta ya!! =)

Nej said...

@ Fran - I love my headlamp. I end up having to use nearly the full year, at least in the beginning of my run. I finally got a really good one this winter, and I love it!!!

@ Anna - I'm even a late fall person. When it starts getting cold I'm perfectly fine. But after a while I guess my patience for running in it wears off a little. Winter could end in Jan or Feb some time and I'd be content! :-)