"Love a girl who runs and she will love you back the same way she loves running. You will ask her why she loves running and she’ll answer: Because I can. You will ask her why she loves you and she’ll reply: Because I do."
Jaymie a.k.a The Bull Runner
(tapping computer screen)
Is anyone still out there?
I'm back. Well, actually I never really left. I just haven't had time to check in and say hi.
Work has been crazy.
One minute, you're bored at work. You're in a rhythm. You get everything done on time, early in fact. You're happy and polite when people come over for work questions, or when they merely need a break and want to chat.
You get to work at 8:00, take an hour lunch, and leave at 5:00. There's no guilt that you couldn't get it all done. There's no taking it home with you. You've got it all under control.
Then you go and mess it all up. You have extra time, you see others stressed out, you want to help. You want to get rid of having to spend some time each day looking busy or finding something to do. You know that you shouldn't fill every second, because your job means having projects handed to you. Time consuming, time sensitive projects. Things go from famine to feast in the blink of an eye. People warn you. But you can't help it. You can do more. You don't feel like you're doing enough.
Life as you know it ends.
You're skipping all of your lunches. You're working until 7:00 or 7:30 each night. You'd be there early as well, if it wasn't for trying to keep your non-work life somewhat under control.
The laundry piles up. The dog hair is actually taking over. And your running......ha!
The one thing that keeps you steady. The activity that wears you out, yet pumps you up at the same time. It just so happens that you end up with a stress fracture in your knee right when things at work go completely off the charts nuts.
Your motivation to get out of bed each morning is squashed....thus, the morning runs (once you can finally run again) become fewer and further between. You want to get up and run. You lay all of your clothes out the night before. Water bottle and Garmin waiting on the kitchen counter.
4:30 comes, and you hit the snooze. Again and again and again. It's not bad enough that the runs you DO get in take time away from your spouse. You know, the guy you never get to see because you're at work until 7:00 or 7:30 each night. But now you don't want to get up to run, because it means eventually going to work.
It's not that you hate your job.....or the people there......it's knowing you pushed yourself over the edge. You know you can recover...but it's going to take some time before you get it all juggled. Before you get it all "handled" again. You know you can do it. But it's like training for a marathon. The goal is possible....but there's allot of work and long hours ahead. You know that once it's all under control, the end product is going to feel great.
But, December was rough. I actually found myself hiding under the blankets in bed.
"Nej, are you OK?"
(muffled, from under the covers)
"What are you doing?"
(peaking out at Mot)
"Hiding from what?"
And no matter how long or how hard I hide.....8:00 comes, like clockwork.
I've missed yet another run....and by the time I get home, a run or even a computer are the last things on my mind....let alone have time for.
And the whole things starts again the next morning.
I don't have kids (if you don't count hubby and the two dogs, that is). I'm married, have a job, a mortgage, friends, family, and my health. There are people out there who would shake their heads if they read this post. "How can she complain?"
But I figure, if the women who find it impossible to gain a pound can complain......if the people who need to give money away because their tax lawyers insist can complain.....then I can too.
I have a full marathon coming up in May. It's my second attempt at full marathon training (the stress fracture in my knee killed the St. Louis marathon). I signed up for this next one (Fargo) when things were calm. Now....things are crazy, and I'm trying to get my training schedule under control.
I can't keep work, the laundry, or the dog hair under control......so adding one more thing to the list seems a little crazy. But I can't help it, I'm a Capricorn. Stubborn, bull headed, and not easily intimidated.
But pessimistic? Yeah, sometimes. Lacking a little self confidence? Yeah, most of the time.
I've been squeaking out 3-4 runs a week. I've been squeezing in a spin class here and there. And, I've been doing my darnedest to make it to 2 yoga classes a week.
But January 21st is kinda like January 1st for quite a few people. Today is the day I get myself under control, put my life back together a little bit, and pull myself out of this depression I've been wallowing in.
Yep, the D word. I said it. I might not be climbing out onto a ledge, but when you find yourself hiding under the covers.....you've got to admit something needs to change.
The guilt is going away. I'm working longer hours, and that's just the way it has to be for a while. I'm going to have to spend non work time running, spinning and yoga-ing (?). I'm going to lose the 10 pounds I worked so hard to get rid of, then put back on in the last couple of months. I'm going to make myself lunches each day instead of giving local sandwich shops all of my money.....or skipping lunch altogether.
(microwave popcorn does not = lunch)
I'm going to actually DO the strength exercises that have been recommended to me, week after week, for 5 weeks now.
I ran outside all last winter......negative wind chills, North winds, and icy roads were no match to wool socks, multiple layers and some sheet metal screws in my shoes. But this year I've been using it as an excuse. (I think we've had snow for maybe 3 days so far this year...and it's Jan 21st. Cold weather can NOT be an excuse. We've been spoiled.)
So anyway, enough of the crappy excuses. Time to woman up and get with the program. Life is busy, and that's just the way it is. I'm young, there's still plenty of time to be lazy and inactive.
Just not right now.