11/22/11: Fear

It's amazing how distracting and intimidating fear can be. My husband seems to be afraid of nothing.....and I seem to be afraid of everything.

Most of what I'm afraid of doesn't affect me, I won't let it. Don't get me wrong, the butterflies and racing heart are still there...but I push them off, ignore them as best I can.

Allot of them are normal fears. Spiders, snakes, eels, seagulls (don't laugh, they're mean), looking into the bathroom mirror without turning the light on. Stupid stuff like that.

Then there are those that are a little bigger in scale.

Roller coasters. I watched someone get their foot cut off at the arch. Right in front of me. Granted, it was someone working at the park, and they were standing on the track when the cars came by...but still. (the ride was delayed until the workers could climb under the coaster to find the missing half of her foot)

I'm terrified of water, yet we own a pair of kayaks and spend quite a bit of time in them. (As long as I'm wearing a PFD, and remain acutely aware of my surroundings, I'm OK.)

I went white water rafting through the Royal Gorge with a smile on my face. (although I was holding onto the boat with my legs so hard, walking at the end of the day long trip was nearly impossible.)

I'm horribly claustrophobic, but had a BLAST going spelunking when in South Dakota. (We went on a wild cave tour and I made sure I'd positioned myself behind the largest guy in the group anytime a "squeeze" was coming up.)

I'm horribly shy.....it's ridiculous actually. But I've held many jobs that all my FORCE me to overcome it. I've gone on weekend and week long trips with people I don't know. Sure, there are parts of each of those trips that are miserable. I want so badly to walk up to a group of interesting people and strike up a conversation......but I never do.

And then there are the fears that I still have yet to overcome.

1) Being upside down.

Sounds strange doesn't it?

You know, now that I think about it, this is probably why roller coasters bother me. :-)

The yoga classes I take will sometimes involve inversions. Head stands, etc. I'm paralyzed with fear the second I get close to going upside down. My form is great, I'm right there....then I freak out.

But I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to work on it at home, and have hubby help. He's pretty good at the tough love stuff. The "for crying out loud Nej, just do it and quit being a baby about it" stuff. It usually does the trick - but don't tell him that.

2) Marathons

Yep, you heard me right. It's a silly fear, isn't it? I mean, I run halves now.....and I really don't think much about them any more. I ran the last one with my sister (it was her first)....just so that I would have something to think about and do while running. They kick my butt, don't get me wrong....but they are also boring when by myself.

I've been told that if you can run a half, you can run a full. Sure, it's much more training, more endurance, and the chances of needing a port-a-potty along the way are higher (giggle).....but it can be done. Keep hydrated, pace yourself, pay much more attention to how your fuel before and during the event......

I think, at this point in my running life, the fear is actually a fear of injury. Of not being able to participate, or getting hurt along the way.

The Omaha half marathon was in September.....and last night I ran for the FIRST TIME since the event.

THE. FIRST.TIME.

Nearly two full months later.

I have a full marathon coming up in May. Can I start running after not running for two friggin' months, and be ready in time? Can I do it safely?

I guess last night I decided that fear was my problem. I'm going to start training...and if I get hurt, I get hurt. I'm not going to live being afraid of it.

Now....if I could just do a headstand........